NBA All-Ass Team, Kim, Monta, Clay and Lights Out
In honor of former Blazers, Spurs, Clippers and Bucks center Kevin Duckworth, I've decided to post my All-Ass team. Please note that the guys on this team aren't A-holes, but merely players known for their large derrières.
F - Charles Barkley - Co-captain and MVP of team
F- Rick Mahorn - Ass was a lethal weapon
C - Kevin Duckworth - Co-captain and almost impossible to move around
G - John Bagley - Bags was 5'10"/220 lbs and his ass was sixty of those pounds
G - Adrian Dantley - Technically a forward, but only 6'4"; AD always parked his ass on the blocks and never hit a shot outside of twelve feet
B - Steve Johnson
B - Vinnie Johnson
B - Dwayne "Pearl" Washington
B - Geoff Crompton
B - Oliver Miller
J Lo turned me down, but since Kim doesn't have too much going on these days other than being Reggie Bush's girlfriend, she has graciously agreed to be coach/head cheerleader for the All-Ass team...
Well, it looks like I won't be spending a high draft pick on my man Monta. Although with this news, there is probably one guy in my fantasy basketball league who will. I'm not going to mention any names, but it's the same person who really liked Elton Brand's chances of making a major contribution last season...
Hmmmmmm, maybe I should start being a little more careful about what I'm saying on this blog. Perhaps Grandpa John and some of my other frequent targets may take a page out of Clay Bennett's play book and sue me...
In late breaking news, Chargers pass rushing sensation Shawne Merriman has decided to try to play this season. Merriman reached his decision after consulting with a slew of doctors including: Dr. James Andrews, Dr. J., Dr. Phil, Dr. Detroit, Dr. Dre, San Diego's own Dr. Claw, Doc Rivers, and noted Milwaukee surgeon Doc Polan. When asked about his risky decision to play, Merriman was quoted as saying, "I have faith in Doc Polan. He told me that the knee would hold up all year and he better damn well be right."
Posted by San Diego Sports Guy at 8/27/2008 5:36 PM 
Categories: NFL, NBA All-Ass Team, NBA, Leaning to the Right, Lists, Drew's Daily Dot Dot Dot
Categories: NFL, NBA All-Ass Team, NBA, Leaning to the Right, Lists, Drew's Daily Dot Dot Dot
No John "Hot Plate" Williams?
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Good suggestion, Matt! Forgot about Hot Plate!! I think I may have to put him on the team instead of Crompton. Besides, nobody outside of Milwaukee has probably even heard of Cromp. I'll never forget him though. After enduring Gianelli, Benson, Breuer, Mokeski, and Roberts etc. etc., it was nice to have an African-American stiff on the end of the bench for a change.
SD Sports Guy
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How about Pistol Pete Maravich toward the end of his career? It was like he thought a double-sized Pete would be twice as good.
Big butt in another sport -- Warren Sapp of Dancing with the Stars
Supremely-talented current butt -- Prince Fielder. I think he ate his father.
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Really? I remember the Mokeski-like perm late in Pistol Pete's career, but not a huge weight gain. I'll have to look into that one. No doubt about Sapp and Fielder though in non-NBA All-Ass teams. I saw a highlight of Fielder the other day and I certainly wouldn't rule out the possibility that he ate his old man. Perhaps Ned Yost should limit the kid to oh I don't know, maybe a dozen brats a day. Prince makes Tony Gwynn (end of his career and now) look svelte.
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Shocking decision by Shawne Merriman. If he's lucky, he'll tweak the knee on opening day, feel the pain, and then decide to stop and get the surgery.
If he's unlucky, he'll take a helmet to the knee and it'll make Theisman's injury look like a rug burn.
Sadly, Merriman is likely to win the ESPY for "Most Gruesome Injury of the Season".
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I was surprised with the decision as well. However Lights Out is an absolute warrior...steroids or no steroids.
I'm going to stick with my Chargers Super Bowl pick with or without him though. However, it definitely will be a lot tougher with Jyles Tucker (I'm a big SD fan and I barely heard of him until a few days ago) taking his place.
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Nothing wrong with my contribution last year. Seven strong games. I applaud any fantasy owner that stuck with me. I believe I was deserving of a seventh round pick.
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Elton,
Thanks for reading this blog! I was sorry to see you leave LA, but understand that the opportunity to be a part of a 5th of 6th seeded team in the East was to difficult to pass up. Although you only played seven games last season, I fully expect you to come back strong this year. I don't think you're a first rounder anymore, but I have a feeling some fantasy owner will pick you anyway...probably the same owner who picked you last year unless Nowitzki falls into his lap.
SD Sports Guy
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