Brian Gilbert Unplugged: Cleveland Sports, Actresses & Humiliating Hasselbeck
Have you ever wanted to get inside the mind of a long suffering Cleveland sports fan, date an actress or debase Elisabeth Hasselbeck? Movie producer Brian Gilbert enters the Shawn Kemp's Kids Octagon this afternoon and insightfully sounds off on a number of topics:
1) What is your favorite thing about the movie industry?
Actually doing the hands-work of making a movie because it's like a reward for putting up with all of the bullshit that needs to be waded through to get to that point.
2) What is your least favorite thing about the movie industry?
Actresses with fake hooters and cigarette breath.
3) As a longtime Cleveland sports fan, on a scale of 1-10 how excited are you about the Cavs this season?
I'm at 7. I'm not 10 because, as a Cleveland fan, I always have Red Right 88, The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot and the Jose Mesa choke in the back of my head. When something good happens in Cleveland sports I always wait for the other shoe to drop. I'm 40 years old and no Cleveland team has won a championship in my lifetime so, if the Cavs actually do manage to pull it out this year, I'll be waiting for something like simultaneous swine flu outbreaks, earthquakes, fires and pestilence to rain down on the heads of every Cleveland sports fan. A more likely scenario, however, is that the Cavs will be up 3-1 against the Lakers in the finals and, with just two minutes left in the fourth quarter of game 5, Kobe will have gone into a coma after contracting ebola, both of Lamar Odom's achilles tendons will have ruptured, Gasol and Vujavic will have been carted off at halftime by ICE because of visa troubles and, in front of their home crowd at the Q, the Cavs will have taken a commanding 52 point lead. Lebron, Mo Williams, Big Z, Delonte West and Anderson Varajao are all sitting so that the bench players can get some garbage time and for the first time since 1964, a Cleveland sports championship seems inevitable. However, just at that moment, a Continental 757 bound for Newark has just taken off from Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, experiences engine trouble and plummets straight into the heart of the Q, leveling it and slaughtering everyone one in it and within a two-block radius of it, thus once again depriving Cleveland of a championship.
4) What has to happen for you to leave Los Angeles and return to Cleveland to live the rest of your life?
I'd have to make an ungodly sum of money that would allow me to jump on a plane whenever I'd have the urge.
5) How bitter are you that Eliza Dushku (#6 on the Maxim Hot 100 List) picked Rick Fox over you?
I actually know Rick and he is a really nice guy and had a good experience working with Eliza so, if they're happy, great. I have a personal rule which I implemented about eight or nine years ago and haven't broken since. Essentially, in order for me to be in a state of mind that doesn't include trying to maim myself or anyone else while in a relationship, I realized that I shouldn't date actresses. You might meet one and she might seem well-adjusted. smart and funny but... SHE'S JUST ACTING THAT WAY!! The kind of insecurity and deep-seeded need for attention that makes women want to become actresses in the first place is a kind of demented, evil, fucked-up crazy that has its origins in the darkest blackest places of the soul and is something that men who have not experienced it first-hand can't begin to comprehend.
6) When Eliza was on your casting couch seven years ago, what did you think of her?
She didn't have to audition. We had to make an offer to her. However, Emmanuelle Chriqui was an unknown at that time and she was so nice and so hot.
7) What are five movies that you have seen during the last year that you loved?
I Love You Man
Religulous
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Slumdog Millionaire
Star Trek
8) What are five movies that you loathed?
Don't Mess With the Zohan
Hellboy II
Eagle Eye
Australia
The Wrestler
9) Who has the biggest ego in Hollywood?
I would tell you but I would like to continue to be gainfully employed.
10) Who is the biggest asshole in Hollywood and why?
I would tell you if I didn't think that this particular douchebag wasn't spiteful or influential enough to keep me from being gainfully employed.
11) Who would you most like to have a threesome with and why?
Amanda Beard because she is an athletic, amazonian beauty and Elisabeth Hasselbeck because she's so damn cute but just the right makeup of misguided, dimwitted, arrogant and ignorant, enabling me to think of so many hot ways for Amanda and me to humiliate her, many of them having to do with a number of well and lesser known bodily excretions.
12) If you could choose a dream golf foursome, what three people would you want to play with and why?
Tiger Woods - I shouldn't have to articulate a reason
Charles Barkley - He's a pro athlete I might actually be able to beat plus I think he's the funniest man on TV
My Father - He would enjoy Tiger and Charles and I enjoy golfing with him
Posted by San Diego Sports Guy at 5/24/2009 3:25 PM 
Categories: Spotlight Interviews
Tags: Rick Fox Elisabeth Hasselbeck Movies Eliza Dushku Cleveland Sports
Categories: Spotlight Interviews
Tags: Rick Fox Elisabeth Hasselbeck Movies Eliza Dushku Cleveland Sports
He's very honest. :)
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Hi, man! I'm absolutely acclaim your way of assumption and everything connected.
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