Bill Simmons & Jason Whitlock: An Abridged Writer's Guide




Bill Simmons and Jason Whitlock are two of the most successful and polarizing sports columnists/writers/broadcasters of the last decade.  Love 'em or hate 'em this is an assertion that simply can't be disputed.  

If you are a male between the ages of 18 and 45, there is a 95% chance that you are familiar with their work.  However, if you are a bit older or possess a lot of estrogen then perhaps you have heard of neither.  As a public service to anyone out there in the blogosphere who hasn't heard of Bill or Jason, here is a brief guide:

Name: Bill Simmons
Self-anointed nickname:  The Sports Guy
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 180 pounds soaking wet

Good                                                Bad
 
Boston Celtics                                Los Angeles Lakers
Boston Red Sox                             New York Yankees
New England Patriots                   Indianapolis Colts
Larry Bird                                         Vince Carter 
Tom Brady                                       Peyton Manning
Pedro Martinez                                Roger Clemens
Manny Ramirez                               Alex Rodriguez
Daryl Morey                                      David Kahn
The Real World on MTV                Keith Olbermann
Isiah Thomas as a player             Isiah Thomas as a GM                    
LeBron James pre-Decision       LeBron James post-Decision
Homerism                                       Objectivity (for the most part)
Mentioning friends in columns    Anyone with the temerity to question Bill's opinions
Beverly Hills 90210                        All other watchable television shows in the 90's
Karate Kid & Teen Wolf                 Almost every other coming of age 80's movie                     


Name: Jason Whitlock
Self-anointed nickname: Big Sexy
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 360 pounds (on a good day)

Good                                     Bad

Jeff George                          Nearly every quarterback in the NFL
The Wire                               Every show other than Entourage & Mad Men
Burger King                          Broccoli
Wendy's                                 Bananas
Buzz Bissinger                     Mitch Albom
Taco Bell                               Bell Peppers                         
Dan Le Batard                      Mike Lupica
The Big Lead                        Deadspin   
Strippers                                Jesse Jackson
French Fries                          Celery
Barack Obama                      Sarah Palin
Chocolate Cake                    Strawberries
Ball State University              ESPN 
Kansas Jayhawks                Scott Pioli                                   
Kansas City BBQ                  Al Sharpton
Will Leitch                               Rick Reilly
Athletes getting in trouble    Hip Hop Generation      










 


 
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